Author Archive for TarotGuardian

Coping with the Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is very real and it’s no wonder why. Rejection hurts. Plain and simple. And it doesn’t matter if it happens at home, at work, or in other social settings. Rejection is painful, and so we avoid it at all costs. After all, who wants to get hurt? But rejection is inevitable, so it’s a good idea to learn how to overcome the fear of rejection and learn to cope with it when it does happen.

The fear of rejection is millions of years old

We all want to belong. But this isn’t anything new. In an article published by the American Psychological Association, entitled, The pain of social rejection, author Kirsten Weir explains, “As clever as human beings are, we rely on social groups for survival. We evolved to live in cooperative societies, and for most of human history, we depended on those groups for our lives. Like hunger or thirst, our need for acceptance emerged as a mechanism for survival.”

Belonging was essential for survival. That means rejection essentially meant death. But a lot has changed over the course of millions of years. So, you might think our need for belonging isn’t as important anymore.

That’s not the case though. While it’s true that we can all live pretty independent lives and survive on our own now, that doesn’t erase millions of years of evolution. We still want to belong, and rejection prevents this from happening. In short, we still need our tribe no matter what form it takes.

In a way, our fear of rejection had an important role to play: it helped to keep us alive. But that only explains why it is part of the human experience – it doesn’t really explain why it hurts so much, does it?

Why does rejection hurt so much?

Rejection hits us on an emotional and psychological level. Or, does it? Recent research has found that the pain of being rejected actually activates the same brain areas that physical pain does.

Kipling Williams, a professor at the Department of Psychological Sciences at Purdue University, researched social rejection in an article called Ostracism. In his study, participants played a game of cyber frisbee with other volunteers as their brains were being scanned. After all three participants played frisbee together, two players eventually started to play by themselves and exclude one player.

Williams and his team observed something fascinating in the brains of people who were excluded and rejected. They saw that the dorsal anterior cingulate, along with the anterior insula became more active.

Why is this important? Because these are the same two brain regions that get activated when you experience physical pain. In short, emotional pain registers in the brain the same way physical pain does.

And this can help to explain why rejection hurts so much, and why we try to avoid it. After all, through trial and error, we learn what causes physical injury – like touching a hot pan, or mishandling a sharp knife – and we avoid these actions as best we can.

So, it’s understandable that as we experience rejection, we start to avoid behaviors that might invite more rejection. But this is a problem. That’s because these same behaviors are exactly what keeps us from living a wholehearted and authentic life.

How do we try to avoid rejection?

To keep rejection from happening again, we develop unhealthy behavior patterns and mindsets. For example, if you were rejected by a lover, you may become pessimistic about ever finding love again. Or, if you do find yourself in a good relationship, you sabotage it because you’re afraid of being rejected by your new partner.

If your experience of rejection started much earlier in life – from a parent, for example – you may have false beliefs about yourself. You might think you’re unworthy of love and attention, or that you don’t deserve friends. And thoughts like this prevent you from attracting love and attention to yourself. This, in turn, creates even more rejection.

Another common rejection scenario is when you share your thoughts or opinions only to get mocked or excluded. If that’s the case, you might hide the true you in order to fit in.

As you can see, if we desperately try to avoid rejection, we actually create more rejection and less belonging.

So, we have to learn to be ourselves, knowing full well that it could end in rejection. But how can you do that?

How to overcome the fear of rejection

As long as people have preferences, people will welcome what they prefer and reject what they don’t. And the truth is, sometimes that means you and me will get rejected. So, how can we continue, full steam ahead, even with the risk of rejection? Here are two tips to cope with our innate fear of rejection.

  1. You don’t have to take rejection personally

In his inspiring book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz, lays out four principles to live by. His second principle is this: Don’t take anything personally.

What does Ruiz mean by this? He teaches that every action that’s directed towards you actually has very little to do with you. In fact, usually, it has nothing to do with you. Instead, it has everything to do with the other person. It has to do with their thoughts, belief system, emotional baggage, personal history and so much more.

And when you apply Ruiz’s principle to rejection, it can transform the entire experience. The truth is, when people reject us, we interpret it as a reflection of our value and our worth.

Rejection doesn’t just mean exclusion. Instead, it means:

  • I’m not lovable
  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not worthy
  • I’m a loser

But if you don’t take rejection personally, you can see that you were excluded, and continue to believe that you’re lovable, worthy, good enough and anything but a loser.

  1. Rejection might be doing you a favor

This might seem crazy but bear with me. We often think we know what we want and what’s best for us. But that’s not always the case. Instead, and as Gabrielle Bernstein says, “The universe your back.”

But how can rejection be the universe’s way of taking care of you? After all, rejection is painful and makes you feel isolated and alone.

But does it have to?

It’s true: you do get rejected by a group or an individual. But chances are you wouldn’t have been very happy in that group or with that individual anyway.

Therefore, while rejection means you don’t fit into that specific scenario, that doesn’t mean you’re never going to fit anywhere.

Instead, rejection keeps you out of places or situations where you won’t thrive. And it helps you to keep looking for your perfect fit.

Here’s an analogy that might help. There are so many beautiful flowers in our world. And some thrive in the sun; others bloom best in the shade. There are some flowers that need sunny seaside climates, while others can survive the cool temperatures of the snowy Alps.

But you would probably never say that the seaside flower is worthless because it can’t survive in the Alps, or vice versa. So, why should you say that about yourself?

Just because you didn’t “make it” with one crowd or another, doesn’t mean you’re not a beautiful person. It just means, you tried to plant yourself in the wrong garden.

There’s this common saying: Bloom where you’re planted. But let’s take it one step further and infuse it with some powerful intention. Instead, of just blooming where you happen to end up, why not plant yourself where you know you will bloom best?

The payoff for accepting rejection

Even if you don’t take rejection personally, it can still hurt. And even if you compare yourself to a beautiful flower who simply tried to plant herself in the wrong garden, rejection hurts yet again.

So, have you really gained anything? The answer is a resounding yes. There is a payoff when you accept that rejection can and will happen. And here it is:

When you stop running away from rejection, you also stop running away from love, intimacy, and connection. But if you keep trying to avoid rejection, you avoid connecting with others and opening yourself up to love.

In short, we have to be vulnerable. And while that does make it possible for rejection to occur, it also makes it possible for so many other beautiful human connections to occur.

As a research professor and bestselling author, Brené Brown found, the people who allow themselves to be vulnerable also believe “that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.”

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Flower Essences to Overcome Negative Emotions and Stress

Every spring, Mother Nature goes through an extraordinary transformation. And perhaps one of the most beautiful aspects of springtime is when all the flowers go into bloom.

These blossoms are certainly a sight for sore eyes after a long, cold winter, and they definitely help to lift the spirits. But flowers can also help to overcome negative emotions and stress in other ways, too.

One way is with flower essences  – a simple method that taps into some serious flower power. And what better time to introduce flower essences into your life than during springtime?

What are flower essences?

Flower essences are tinctures. They were developed by a British physician, Dr. Edward Bach in the early 20th century. He believed that disease was the result of negative emotions held within the body. So, he set out to identify the emotional healing power of flowers to help address and overcome this.

That lead to the development of his now-popular Bach Flower Remedies, a collection of 38 flower essences, which are aimed to address negative emotion.

How are flower essences made?

Flower essences are tinctures. The flower, or simply the petals themselves, are placed in a bowl of water. Everything is left to sit as the energy of the flower transfers to the water.

Then, the flowers or petals are removed from the water, and a preservative – usually brandy – is added to turn this flower-infused water into a tincture.

What’s the difference between essential oils and flower essences?

There are many natural remedies to increase wellness, and it’s easy to confuse flower essences with other popular remedies. So, it’s important to remember that flower essences and essential oils are very different things.

The biggest difference is that flower essences focus on the vibrational energy of the flower, whereas essential oils tap into the actual physical properties of the plant’s oil.

Another big difference is that essential oils are fragrant substances and one reason why they’re commonly used in aromatherapy. Flower essences, on the other hand, are fragrance-free.

How to use flower essences

Flower essences are used to help heal negative emotions and stress. But this isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

It’s easy to simply identify stress as just stress. And if we’re experiencing a negative emotion, we don’t tend to dive very deep to identify exactly what we’re feeling.

We usually stop at, “I’m stressed”, or with other vague statements. But there are many different types of negative emotions. And knowing which one you’re experiencing is key to using flower essences effectively.

In fact, each of the 38 flower essences is meant to address a specific negative emotion and type of stress.

So, the first and most important thing to do before taking a flower essence is to become self-aware. This allows you to dig deep and uncover what you’re feeling and why.

You can become more aware of your negative emotions by asking the following questions:

  • How am I reacting to this situation or thought?
  • What is causing me to react this way? (Fear, worry, anger, guilt, insecurity, etc.)

To help you identify with your emotions, it might help to journal or talk about it with a close and trusted friend, or coach.

Once you explore your emotional experience, you can look for the flower essence(s) that best support your current emotional need.

For example, Stephanie Gailing, a flower essence therapist, and astrologer shares that stress occurs because you lack confidence and don’t trust your abilities, leading to overall feelings of insecurity. In this case, a good match would likely be the flower essence of larch.

Similarly, if you’re impatient, rushed or a bit impulsive, the appropriately-named essence of impatiens can help.

Flower essences for specific stress and negative emotions

Perhaps one of the most challenging things about experiencing stress and negative emotions is the fear that no one understands you. But once you get to know flower essences, it will seem like they’re made with you in mind.

To give you an idea of just how specific they can be, here’s a brief introduction to flower essences that may support emotional well-being.

  • Elm: When you feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities
  • Beech: When you’re overly critical and judgmental and don’t tolerate others and yourself
  • Cherry Plum: When you’re afraid to lose control, and even experience suicidal ideation
  • Hornbeam: When you’re mentally fatigued and tend to procrastinate
  • White Chestnut: When you have too many thoughts running through your brain
  • Willow: When you’re feeling resentful and bitter

Even though it’s great that there are 38 specific flower essences – each for a specific type of negative emotion and stress – let’s face it. When you’re feeling down, it can be difficult to analyze your feelings objectively.

Therefore, if the stress and negative emotion are overwhelming, and you just want support and relief, look no further than a flower essence blend called “Rescue Remedy”.

It’s a mix of rock rose, impatiens, clematis, star-of-Bethlehem and cherry plum. This careful blend can support you in restoring emotional balance so that you can make a more specific flower essence choice later on – if you want.

How to take flower essences

When it comes to taking flower essences, you can either apply them directly to your skin or dilute them first.

If you chose to dilute them, add two drops of the flower essence into a glass of water and sip throughout the day. If you’re choosing multiple flower essences, you can mix up to seven or eight flower essences together in the same glass.

If you don’t finish the glass by the end of the day, you can place it in the refrigerator to save for the following day. Or, you can also make smaller dilutions to ensure that you finish them by the end of the day.

How many times should you sip it? Four to six times per day is usually a good place to start.

You can also take your flower essence straight, without any dilution, simply by dropping the tincture into your mouth. It may taste strongly of alcohol, but it works just as effectively as when you dilute the flower essence and take them that way.

If you have an alcohol sensitivity, it’s possible to find alcohol-free flower essences, so you can tap into some gentle flower power without any discomfort.

Flower essences are a wonderful way to invite Mother Nature’s healing touch into your daily life. They’re a gentle and safe way to address negativity and stress and to support emotional wellbeing.

Still, need assistance with flower essences then click on the link below for some insight…

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The Universe is Filled with Infinite Possibilities

The Universe wants to give us blessings but we have a responsibility as well.  We can’t just sit back and expect it all to fall in our lap without any action on our part.  It is in our best interest to stay in a positive vibration – watching our thoughts, words, and visions.  We really can create our reality and bring our dreams into the present.  There is evidence that our minds do have a huge impact on our bodies.

THE UNIVERSE IS FILLED WITH INFINITE POSSIBILITIES

As Albert Einstein said…

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

So, open your heart and mind and let your soul guide you.

 

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Kind Words

“Kind Words Can Be Short & Easy To Speak but Their Echos Are Truly Endless.” ~Mother Teresa

Kind Words Can Be Short & Easy To Speak,Kind words don’t have to be long to lift someone’s day.  Often it doesn’t even have to be a word; it can be a simple smile or a kind gesture like holding the door to brighten someone’s day.  I believe all these things really do echo upon the receiver’s heart endlessly.

We really never know what someone is going through and how our kindness will touch another person’s life. Besides, we also benefit from these interactions because being nice is actually good for your health.

Take the time to reach out and be a shining light to someone today!

It’s not always easy being a beacon of light. If you’re having trouble being someone’s shining light, we can help …

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7 Chakras Meditation

NuMeditationMusic brings you Solfeggio Frequencies Healing Meditation: 7 Chakras Meditation frequencies. Their mission is to write music that can impact others in a positive way because their belief is music can change lives!

In the list below the video, it shows the starting time for each Chakra so you can pick the Chakra that is in the most need of balancing and listen to that meditation or balance all 7.

ENJOY!

00:00      Root Chakra
10:00      Sacral Chakra
20:00      Solar Plexus Chakra
30:00      Heart Chakra
40:00      Throat Chakra
50:00      Third Eye Chakra
1:00:00   Crown Chakra

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Everything You Want Is On the Other Side of Fear

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ~Jack Canfield

Fear is an emotion caused by anxiety or the uneasiness of being afraid of something or someone.

I am sure a lot of you have are familiar with the following acronym for FEAR …

Sheri-TarotSocialPost-Image5False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

Yes, there are some things to really be afraid of like a big lion chasing after you or like the photo shows jumping from cliff to cliff.  However, when you break it down how often do actual lions really chase us?

I believe more often than not we tend to be afraid of making personal changes in our life that if made would typically make us a better, happier person.  Things like career changes, relationship changes, and physical changes (the dreaded exercising).

When I think of the personal changes that I can control along with the above acronym, it really is false evidence appearing real.  We think by making those changes it’s like jumping from cliff to cliff but in reality it’s really like stepping off the curb.  So if we can change our mindset on some of the personal changes, we may not find them to be so fearful.

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The Art of Aligning the Body and Soul

Join Marianne Williamson as she talks about the Art of Aligning the Body and Soul.  She talks about us being in our body not of our body. We may practice Yoga or Meditation, but how do we carry the peace with us when we go out in the world?  What is our responsibility collectively to stay aligned when we are out in the world?

Marianne talks about being one with the Universe at times in our Yoga position or meditation practice, so if we are one with the Universe then we are one with the earth. If we are one with the Universe we are one with all living things. So if we are one with the Universe what does that mean about our oneness with a starving child? She continues to ask about not just how the starving children feel but how does the mother or father feel of the child?

She compares fracking to cutting and how insane it is.  She says that what people are seeking in Yoga and other spiritual practices is a place to get out of the insanity.  She wonders how anyone makes it today without a spiritual practice of some kind.

As Gandhi said be the change we wish to see in the world but that is only part of it. We must not only be the change, but also take the change in the world and engage the world in a different way.

Join Marianne as she leads us in discussion to this question how do we dwell within our inner temple in the alignment yet deal with the chaos of the world?

Marianne Williamson is an internationally acclaimed spiritual author and lecturer. Six of her ten published books have been New York Times Best Sellers. Four of these have been #1 New York Times Best Sellers.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Marianne’s other books include The Age of Miracles, Everyday Grace, A Woman’s Worth, Illuminata, Healing the Soul of America, A Course in Weight Loss, The Gift of Change and The Law of Divine Compensation.  For more information on Marianne, please visit www.marianne.com.

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